Finding Passion in the Routine

I feel like I’m about to give away a big secret, but one that needs to be told.

I am only human. A cage of bones with skin pulled tight around them. Some important parts inside that keep me moving and breathing. That is all. I have a heart that beats and a mind that thinks. My past and present shape the way I perceive my own reality. My emotions sometimes feel like migratory fish living in a circular man made pond pulsing through my veins with nowhere to go. I am my own world and I am a part of the world. I love to love and live to be loved.

Maybe that’s not a big secret after all. I will come back to this later

For now a March Recap: Month 19

Mom came to visit! I anticipated the trip for months. When she finally arrived time flew by and before I knew it I was already wishing we had more time. I wanted to show my Mom everything. I was excited for her to see my life in the Philippines and introduce her to the world I’ve been living in for the past 19 months. I say world because honestly living here sometimes feels worlds away from the life I left. I had 8 days to shove 19 months of life into. I think we accomplished that goal too.

We started off in a pretty swanky neighborhood in the nicest district of Manila. It was glorious! I had my first hot shower in 3 months, good food, and my Mom! Life was good.  I realized when I walked to the outside shopping area in my running shorts and flip flops I definitely had been living in the Provinces way too long. Surrounded by people who understand fashion I feared my fashion future back in the States. Peace Corps has ruined any sense of style I thought I once had. Anyways, I digress. I wanted to gradually ease my Mom into the experience that is the Philippines so we started off comfortably in Manila for a few days then traveled by bus 5 hours North to my home in Baguio. Mom came face to face with what I like to call The Real Philippines. Noise, air pollution, and overcrowding welcomed us with open arms. We toured the city for a couple of days. Visited my work, host family, and did some site seeing. It felt so nice to finally be able to show her all of the things I had told her about on the phone or email. After a few days we headed down south to Bohol in the Visayas where we stayed on the beautiful island of Panglao.

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Capital, mountains, and beach. I think we covered all of the hot spots. I didn’t really know what to expect as far as how my Mom would handle the developing world. She did great though! Handled it like a boss (thats me being up to date with American slang). Mom, I was really proud of you! She road the jeepneys, experienced a brown out, ate a traditional meal on a river bank in the dark with only a head lamp as a light, dealt with Manila taxi drivers (only got taken advantage of once!), and endured the long bus rides, early morning travel, and less than comprehensive airports. Oh, and she also dealt with me 24/7 as a tour guide. That in itself deserves a certificate of appreciation.

After our vacation real life began again. Here’s where we will go back to my first paragraph…

When Passion becomes Routine:

When I joined the Peace Corps I had the misconception that life was going to be easy because I was following my dreams, doing what I was passionate about, seeking an adventure. Of course I knew I wouldn’t be immune to life’s difficulties but I had this picture of a simple life content with serving others. Nineteen months later and I’m ready to talk about how naive I was. I spend most my days in a office doing research, writing proposals that rarely see life outside of a filing cabinet, I sit through day long meetings in a language I don’t understand, and spend months planning projects that only have a 50/50 chance of pushing through. I never thought my biggest challenges here would be myself. Fighting my own laziness and feelings of indifference. I spend embarrassing amounts of time day dreaming about plans after Peace Corps… traveling, jobs, places to live, grad school… the options and day dreams are endless.

It’s like that. Or it was like that until I go back to my first paragraph. I am only human. Passion is a funny thing. For me I start to loose it once I believe it’s my own. This passion to love people, show kindness, and serve is not for me to keep to myself. It has to be lived out even if it’s disguised in an office designing projects that may fail. I am ok with this less than glamorous life. I’m learning to cultivate my passions to fit into my routines while still finding beauty in the process.

This week starts the beginning of one of the biggest holidays in the Philippines. Holy Week. I’m excited to have some time to relax, catch up on my reading, and sneak in a trip to the beach. After the week of nothingness the Gender Development Camp I’ve been working endlessly on for the past 3 months will finally happen! I’ll update on the details of that when its all said and done. For now I’m getting ready for a week of me time!

Happy Holy Week Everyone!

Back from the dead

Pens are the great mediators of the world. Bringing peace between the heart and mind. I often forget this truth. I forget to sit and reflect and let the ink spill out all the inner dialogue that needs to see some fresh air. To honor the New Year, and what a great year it’s going to be, I’ve decided to do a highlight of 2011 blog entry. For all my family and friends who thought I may have dropped of the blogosphere… I’m back!

Sidenote: I dedicate the blog to my wonderful Dad whose persistence and encouragement has reminded me of my own joy for writing. Thanks Dad! This one’s for you…

Work related: To catch most of you up…due to one long story and many other small stories back in May I had a site transfer. For all non Peace Corps Volunteers this is when your original host organization doesn’t work out for whatever reasons and you get a new job assignment.  What seemed to be a less than desirable situation turned out to be a huge life lesson and a blessing in disguise. I’ve been with my new organization for about 9 months now and I’m finally getting to the point where I understand mostly all that’s going on and have an understanding of my role and responsibilities. The new NGO is community based. Which I LOVE. I’m working with children, youth, and parents of 6 different brgys (neighborhoods) here in Baguio and I also get to travel to our neighboring provinces Mt. Province and Ifugao to do different training’s. Mostly I’m a community mobilizer. Meaning I organize and help plan with children, youth, and community leaders to implement activities for development in the community. I’ve been working mostly with my host organizations youth leaders conducting reproductive health seminars in the local schools and also currently getting together a comprehensive literacy module to start after school tutorials in the local primary schools.

One project I’m really excited about is a livelihood I began with some of the out of school youth and mothers of our federation. If you remember my last blog I wrote about an indigenous paper making seminar one of my artist friends here in Baguio helped me with at my first site. Well, it turns out a friend of a friend who attended that training is my new counterpart and the social worker at my new job! Small world! Meant to be? I think so. We’ve been working for a few months now trying to turn this craft into a small-scale business for the women in our community who are out of work and looking for extra income. We had our first training at the end of October and it went great! We used the fibers from Banana trunks this time and created some pretty beautiful paper.

The week after the training was the Peace Corps 50^th anniversary celebration at the Mall of Asia where our group was invited to come display our product and network for the business. It was wonderful and I was definitely on a high for a long time after but right now things are slow with the project. One thing I’ve learned about development work is you can’t force your ideas onto anyone. No matter how great or wonderful I think the benefit of the project will be. It’s about getting the individuals involved to take ownership and be the ones to take initiative on making progress. Although I have to fight the urge I can’t be the one to do all the work and force things to happen. It wouldn’t be the million-dollar word… sustainable. I said it! Sustainability! For now I wait and research the craft market here in Northern Luzon until the time is right to pick it up again. Timing is everything.

 

The first picture is of my life skills class I teach once a week at one of the local primary schools. Learning is hard work. 

 

 

 

 

 

The second picture is of me and the wonderful peer educators I’m so lucky to work with.

 

 

 

 

 

The last picture was taken at our paper making training in November. It’s me pounding banana trunk fibers that will be used to make the paper.

 

 

L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N

                Next week will be 18 months I’ve been living in the Philippines. That’s 547 days. I’m still in awe to be able to say “I’ll be coming home this year”. I’ll be home in 10 months exactly. There’s been a lot of life lived in my first year in the Philippines. There has been a lot of lessons learned and wisdom to take into my last year. I think the theme of my last year is acceptance. Accepting the Philippines for what it is. Accepting failure. Accepting success. Accepting opportunities. Accepting change.

I spent my New Years in San Juan, a small surfing village about 2 hours from where I live. I love living in the mountains but I’m sure anyone whose grown up near a body of water knows no amount of beauty can replace the peace the ocean brings you. It was a beautiful weekend. I went with two good volunteer friends of mine and we stayed in a bamboo hut right on the water. We met some wonderful locals. You could tell they learned a lot of their English from American surfing movies. We heard a lot of “Dudes, Bro, and Gnarly”. The Philippines always has a good laugh waiting for me. The Filipinos I met were some of the kindest locals I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. I spent the turn of the clock in a friend’s family’s living room eating spaghetti and dancing to Teach Me How to Dougie with a crowd of children. It was pretty wonderful and a very Filipino way of bringing in the New Year. I loved every moment of it. I even returned this past weekend for an international surfing competition and to spend time with some good friends. It’s becoming my home away from home.

Photo taken by my friend Deborah. Surfers in San Juan getting their last waves in as the sun sets over the South China Sea.

 

 

 

Huh?

Sometimes weird things happen. I had been out of town back in December for a work training and when I returned home I noticed my c.r (restroom) wasn’t the way I had left it. In my apartment I don’t have running water during the day. Before I left town for my work training I had showered and therefore used all the water in my buckets. It was day time so of course I couldn’t refill the water buckets. When I returned from my trip my buckets where full of water, my tabos (a smaller bowl with a handle used to dump the water on you while bathing) were moved and each had a different amount of water left in them. The best part was there was also a surprise floating in my toilet. That I know was not mine. I repeat… not mine. This would lead me to one conclusion… Someone had used my bathroom while I was gone! Nothing else in the house was missing or out of place. Just my bath. Gross! A friend told me that sometimes in the Philippines someone who does not have any running water will help themselves to their neighbors c.r who does have running water. I guess the American’s bathroom is more enticing than the other neighbors.  Moral of the story … I got bars put on my windows.

I’m leaving you all with a slideshow of pictures that have captured my year. There are some from my trip to South Korea, a village in the Visayas, the island of Boracay, home for my brothers wedding, and day to day work stuff. Enjoy!

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I plan on getting more organized and creative with my blogs after this one. My New Years Resolution is to blog at least once a month. Here’s to goals!

Xox,

Chels

 

Paper, Rock, Scissors

I finally got my laptop fixed so as promised in the previous post, here is a picture blog of the past two months. I’m actually going to write two blogs. Too many pictures to pollute one post.  I don’t want to take away from the stories with overloading your sensories. This blog will be work related events. The next one will be a more personal update. Enjoy!

Paper making as a livelihood: I mentioned in the last post I was planning a paper making seminar at site. Here are the photos of the day! It was my first activity I had organized with outside volunteers and was pretty nervous about how it would work out. I am lucky that I have met some wonderful artist here in Baguio that have huge hearts for service work and youth. A livelihood project is the teaching of any skill that someone can use to generate income. It usually involves technical skills or training. Carpentry, and other hand crafted skills are common livelihood projects here in the Philippines. My teens are all full time students so the need for a livelihood program on site isn’t as pressing as it would be for out of school youth who are in more need of skills and money. However, it was a create opportunity to get them thinking about different options they have for their futures and all the different ways one can make a career. More importantly we had a lot of fun and ended the day with beautiful organic paper that the teens have now turned into journals for our writing activities. Below are a few moments from the day.

Below: A few of the boys separating the fibers out of the cooked banana tree trunk and papyrus. You cut up the plants and cook them over a fire for 3 hours to get the fibers that are used to create the paper.

Above: Sonny our volunteer who came and taught all of us this amazing skill! This picture was one of that last steps. It’s after the fibers have been separated, pounded on stones, then rinsed and soaked. This is the final laying of the paper before you let it sit to try. That green seaweed looking thing is the paper! When it dries it turns to this beautiful organic tan color.

Below: The paper making was an all day event. With lots of waiting in between steps. So of course we had drumming lessons in between paper making. A few of Sonny’s friends came a long for the day to teach different native instruments and of course one of those is bongos.

Sagada Mountain Province: Aka rocks. I’ve been hearing magical stories about Sagada since I first came to the Philippines. Sagada is known for its cold weather(it was around 9 degrees Celsius when we were there), laid back mentality, great hiking, Sugong Coffins, and Sumaging Cave. It also still has a pretty authentic vibe to it. Not as over taken by tourism as a lot of other places here. PCV Dan is lucky enough to call this place home. He invited Andrew and I to come up for the weekend to co facilitate a youth leadership seminar at the high school he teaches at.  While we were busy working most of the time we did manage to squeeze an afternoon in to go cave diving and see a few of the hanging coffins.

Below: The two pictures below are taken from the leadership training we facilitated. The teens came up with this activity where you stand on a tables and fall into the arms of the group and they toss you to the end of the line. Basically it was crowd surfing. After a few kids fell we called it quits. hehe

Below: CAVE!!!! AH! I thought I was going to die majority of the time. Between our chain smoking tour guide, our South African partner who was afraid of heights, and a large group of Koreans behind us it was an eventful 3 1/2 hours. So here in the Phils most of the people do just about anything and everything in flip flops. They run marathons, play basketball, hike mountains, and even cave dive in their flip flops. I must admit I’ve gone local. However, my flip flops turned to death traps the moment they get wet. I spent most of my time in the cave trying not to slip down 40ft drops to be caught by razor edged rocks below. It was still exciting though! Most of the time you’re crawling on your stomach, scaling down long drops with a mere rope in hand to protect you, or like I said trying not to slip down rocky plunges of death. For an adrenaline junky like myself it was pure bliss. The picture below is of Andrew and I at the mouth of the cave before the hike began.

Above: These are a few of the coffins. They have hanging coffins alongside a few of the mountain sides in Sagada. The custom has something to do with animism and setting the spirit free. Below are a few of the cave guides smoking cigs while lighting the lanterns. I’m pretty sure smoking and playing with gas in a small compact space isn’t the best idea but these guys are pros.

Above: Once you get into the bottom of the cave there are a few swimming holes, a small river and huge rock formations like the one I am standing next to above. It was beautiful. I look wet because I am. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to dive into a lake underground. It was freezing.

 

Scissors: On the bus trip up to Sagada at one of the rest stops this photo op was waiting for me. This is nothing new to me. I’m now desensitized to random animal parts hanging from buildings on side streets. If I have to see it on a daily basis it wont hurt you to. I named this scissors because I’m sure they were used at some point in the dismembering of this poor cow.

So there you have it. My main events of February. March is looking even crazier. With several PC trainings and summer activity planning I have a busy month a head of me. In the next few days I’ll post my other picture blog about more day to day life.

So this is a to be continued….

Next topics to look forward too,

Head lice, Asian massages, Manila big city adventurs, and the apartment life.

Stay tuned my friends things are going to get interesting.

The B word.

As my host brother farts loud enough for me to hear through my head phones all the way up in my attic bedroom I am reminded of a beautiful thing… I FOUND AN APARTMENT!!

After 3 weeks of searching and one false alarm I’ve finally found a place to call home for the next 22 months. Complete with fake but real enough hardwood floors, a bathroom with a flushing toilet and sink with a mirror above it, closet with amazing shelves, beautiful views of the mountains, a bed, kitchen table, and sofa. The novelty of the crazy elderly landlord who lives below me and always has curlers in her hair is just the cherry on top. Sure there’s no running water from 7am-5pm and I think there’s a make shift casino being conducted in the house next door but that just makes it all the better! For the first time in 6 months I will be able to cook for myself. Not only will I be able to cook for myself but I will also be able to choose when and what I eat!! Pure bliss awaits me when I can finally walk out of the shower in nothing but a towl again. When I am able to sleep past 8am without the worry of my host family thinking I’m a lazy American. Ahhh freedom is only 2 weeks away!

So here’s the rest of my monthly update…

January, January, January. You are supposed to be a month of new beginnings and hope for a new year. All you’ve been to me so far is a bitch. (sorry Mom, Dad, and Granny for the curse word) Original word, I know. What other word can express my emotions better than bitch? To me the word evokes emotions of moodieness, aggrivation, and difficulties. A bitch. Just like my month of January. Not one aspect of my life has gone untouched by Januarys PMS.

However you know what they say… with challenges comes growth. Atleast that’s what they say to keep you a moving and a shaking or what you tell yourself to keep from growing weary. Either way I’ve buckled down through the weeks and taken each day as it comes. Challenges have come in all shapes and forms. My computer’s HD has crashed… don’t know if it will be savable. My organization relocated to a different neighborhood so now I commute over an hour each day to work. Two jeepney rides and usually a 30 min walk. The novelty of having an American teacher has worn off for my teens and now I’m figuring out how to get 13 teenagers to be interested in my lessons and activites.

What happened to my romantic ideas of living in a remote village far away from the modern day distractions? Real life happned. Development in the 21st century happened. The life i live here is the same… well almost the same, as the life I would be living back home as a post college graduate entering the work field finding her place in the real world. Of course I eat a lot more rice and red hot dogs here and bathing from a bucket may seem unconventional but really it’s all the same. So it’s not surprising that my first two months on site have been challenging. Finding your place in a new job and environment always takes time.

This may seem like a downer of an update but really if you listen closely it’s a hopeful message. I am hopeful for what 2011 has in store for not only me but also the work I aspire to accomplish with the help of course of those around me.

January has had some awfully beautiful moments as well. I was able

to organize a livelihood project at my center. A few artist from the community volunteered one Saturday to come and teach the teens how to make indigenous paper out of organic materials found in our own back yards. It was a success the teens loved it. We had fun and learned a skill at the same time. I’m having them use the paper now to create journals for the writing empowerment life skills I hope to kick off this week.

There will be a post coming as soon as I get my computer back and

running dedicated to my month in photos. We took some great footage from the art workshop that I hope to share soon. For now this is all.

Sendig my love from the Phils,

Chels

Motive Check

What motivates you? Why get out of bed at all. Why must we do in order to be.

I woke up this morning asking myself these questions. It seems my heart is self monitoring. A mentor of mine once told me we must give ourselves time for self-reflection. Set aside time each morning to sit and be still. It doesn’t take long for all your worries, anxieties, aimless thoughts both good and bad to surface. Think about these thoughts, those memories, the words that float around. Are these the thoughts that motivate you? Passionate hearts and pure motives can easily be traded for the desire of success and self-recognition.

A little self-reflection and motive check can be good for us all.

Maligayang Pasko!!

or in English… Merry Christmas!

My gift to you? An illustrated story of my December. First to set the mood, my favorite Christmas song. So this is Christmas.

The month of December was kicked off with International Volunteer Day, December 5. The other peace Corps Volunteers and I partnered with a few Korean volunteers to facilitate a Sports Festival Youth Camp. We were sponsored by the Anti Child Abuse Network and Child Family Services here in Baguio. We had about 50 children participate. All were survivors of abuse. We played basketball, soccer, badminton, and volleyball. Also had side games of touch the body… the filipino version of dodge ball. I was confused when one of the kids first asked me to play touch the body and was very relieved when I realized it was dodge ball. Here are some pictures of the day!

Above: The morning after our youth camp I woke up at 6am to catch the 7 o’clock bus down to Manila for the day for my organizations art exhibit opening. It was a fundraiser showcasing the art work created by the teens at our Manila center and also a few Filipino artist who donated their work. The bus ride to Manila is 6 to 6 1/2 hours which is actually a pretty common day trip to most filipinos. It’s the same time it used to take me to drive up to Hunstville to see the family.  I used to mentally prepare before making that long trip and I would stay for at least several days. I never thought of it as being a day trip but time and distance have different meanings here. Though it was a short trip it was worth it. I got to meet President Aquino’s sister!  My friend and training cluster mate Aja was also there so it was nice catching up with her.

After my trip to Manila things at work began to slow down. The whole month of December is a Holiday in the Philippines. We began getting ready by planning holiday parties and the teens at my center got busy making their art projects they send to our donors every year. Above are a few of my girls on the roof of our center gathering wood for their projects. Below is one of the reefs they made.

Above: This is our Baguio staff and our organization’s head Nanay Ruth and her nephew. From left to right Me, Anna and she’s holding Caleb, then Joan our junior staff, Annalyn my counterpart and our social worker, Jm our boys house parent, Gylene our girls house parent, then my supurvisor Leah, Nanay(mother) Ruth our organization head, then her nephew Bong. Below: Jm, Annalyn and I pretending to be reindeer. hehe

Above: I’ve realized since being on site I sometimes overestimate my ability to do things I have no experience doing… the burnt cookies above is a wonderful example of this. I mentioned casually over dinner at our holiday staff party that I like to bake… what I should have said was I like to eat things other people bake. I am no baker. But I got put in charge of cooking the meal for Noche Buena which is a spanish tradition that translates to “good night” and is celebrated on Christmas eve. To celebrate you stay up until midnight then eat a feast until 1am. So back to me being a pro baker. I thought it would be fun to bake Christmas cookies with the girls and it would have been fun if we had an oven. Rarely do you find a house with an oven in the Pines. Alas! We had a toaster oven that my supervisor swore worked just like a normal oven. So above is what happens when someone who doesn’t know how to bake in the first place tries making cookies in a toaster oven. However, below is a picture of what happens with a little ambition and perseverance! Pretty amazing if I do say so myself. I think Peace Corps is changing my life motto to learn as you go…

Above: My counterpart Annalyn and I cutting the chicken for the Pesto Pasta. Another assignment I somehow got myself into. I’ve never cooked pasta before and also never cooked pesto pasta but somehow on the topic of cooking I said I could cook it. So it was added to the menu for the night. Google can be a girls best friend. The recipe is actually really simple and my first attempt at cooking it was a success! It came out delicious. The kids and staff had only had red or white pasta before but they loved the Pesto. I think I’ve been assigned to cook it every week now. Below is a close up.

Resting after cooking getting ready for the game portion of the night! Before eating we played running charades, some dance game, and some others I don’t know the name of. I bought a pirated version of the movie Home Alone at the market and we watched it during dinner. Perfect Christmas!

Above: Say hello to Hotchi! Our new puppy! The boys rescued him last week. He has a horrible case of mange but a friend of mine here told me if you wash them in Chicken shampoo it kills the mites. Chicken shampoo by the way is the shampoo you wash cocks in before you fight them. It makes them shiny. So we bathed Hotchi twice and I think the mites are all dead. He’s starting to gain some weight and his fur isn’t falling out as much. I’m hoping we can nurse him back to health. Look how cute he is. How could you not love him?

And last but not least the famous CHEL SI!!!

So there is my December in a nutshell. It’s been a busy month. Tomorrow I am going with my host family to La Union a province two hours from Baguio for their family reunion. I some how got roped into hosting the games for the event. I think after PC I can add professional hostess and entertainer to my resume. In other news I am going to San Juan with a few other volunteers for NYE! I can’t wait. It’s a sleepy beach town a few hours North West of us. It’s known for it’s surfing and cheap lessons. I can’t wait to get to a body of water and warm weather! I’ve been home sick for an ocean. Well that is all I have for now. Merry Christmas everyone! Sending all my love from the Philippines and hoping for Joy and Peace to all this holiday season.

Love,

Chels

P.s: Show some love and leave comments. It’s no fun writing blogs to myself.

Connecting the Dots

Truth. I found it today in a Frederick Buechner excerpt titled “Uses of memory”.  I wouldn’t normally waste one of my precious journal entries by copying someone else’s work but I believe this is worth it.

I AM INCLINDED to believe that God’s chief purpose in giving us memory is to enable us to go back in time so that if we didn’t play those roles right the first time round, we can still have another go at it now. We cannot undo our old mistakes or their consequences any more than we can erase old wounds that we have both suffered and inflicted, but through the power that memory gives us of thinking, feeling, imagining our way back through time we can at long last finally finish with the past in the sense of removing its power to hurt us and other people and to stunt out growth as human beings.

The sad things that happened long ago will always remain part of who we are just as the glad and gracious things will too, but instead of being a burden of guilt, recrimination, and regret that make us constantly stumble as we go, even the saddest things can become, once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength for the journey that still lies ahead. It is through memory that we are able to reclaim much of our lives that we have long since written off by finding that in everything that has happened to us over the years God was offering us possibilities of new life and healing which, though we may have missed them at the time, we can still choose and be brought to life by and healed by all these years later.

-F. Buechner

Dot One

This writing is powerful. So many people go through life living as slaves to their minds.  Memory can both be used for good and for evil. We can allow our past to haunt us and allow our regrets and hurts to dictate our joy and self worth or we can choose to let go and move forward. I found Buechner’s quote about reclaiming our lives simply beautiful.

Dot Two

Almost a year ago today I was getting ready to board a flight to Haiti.  Reading back on my journal entry written on the plane ride the theme was transformation and my feeling was gratitude; grateful for the realization that my life was beginning to come full circle.  I had begun the journey of making peace with my past and letting go of all regrets and doubt.  I had faith that there was something much larger than myself at work in my life.  This “thing” that I choose to call God was using my past to change my heart.  I was being given the gift of love and compassion for others in exchange for my habits of self-indulgent dwelling.

Connection

So what’s my point in talking about something I realized a year ago? To remind myself and anyone else who has ever battled with his or her mind and past that it’s a process.  It is a process that will be ongoing for as long as my memory serves its purpose.  I now choose my memories as tools for growth.  I choose to turn them into agents of compassion and understanding for the ones I strive to show love.

Unrelated but still related

Speaking of the ones I strive to show love, my kids at my center have stolen my heart.  I realize this is not a hard thing to do.  Nonetheless I’ve already grown to love each of them so much.

My past three weeks at work have been, for a lack of original metaphor, a roller coaster. From going from pure overwhelming joy and contentment to lows of confusion and wondering where I fit in and what my role is.  Am I a teacher, mentor, friend? How do I create boundaries so that the kids respect me and trust me as well?

Obviously, in the battle between my mind, and myself my mind has been winning these days.  Today when I came across F.Buechner’s writing I took a deep breath and had a sigh of relief.  For that “thing” that shows me unconditional love and compassion and gives me moments of clarity and wisdom when I surely don’t deserve them has once again spoken to my concerns. For now my job is to take each day as it comes, realize I am exactly where I am supposed to be, give myself a little grace, and remember To Love Is To Be Vulnerable.

Lighter note

To end this on a liter more non-motivational speaker note I’ll share my funny story of the week. Joan is one of my center’s junior staff residents. She’s 20 and has become my comic relief at work.  Her jokes are usually directed at me but there so dead on that I can’t be offended. Also I realize that is her way showing me we’re friends.  Anyways, we have this stray dog that hangs out at our center.  Usually dogs here are so pitiful that I hesitate to use the word dog.  More like scabies infested, godforsaken, oversized sewer rats.  This dog however is surprisingly clean and almost cute.  Well, Joan has taken it upon her self to name it after me.  Except for calling it Chelsea, she calls it Chel-Si (si pronounced: seye). She says both our hobbies are eating which makes us sisters. I was hoping this name would be just a one-time joke between Joan and I.  To my horror I came to my center yesterday morning and all my kids are now calling the dog Chel-Si and yes she answers to it. Now when Chel-Si comes around all my kids say my sister has come to visit. Is it weird that this flatters me?

I hope everyone is enjoying their December. Less than two weeks until Christmas!

Much love,

Chels